Brand New

Everything is brand new since I last wrote, so I felt my blog deserved a much-needed makeover and a bit more attention, which I am hoping I can provide. Coincidentally, just a month or so after my last posting, my husband and I unknowingly conceived baby Knox. Little did I know when I created this blog (and basically vomited up four or so years worth of mediocre to tolerable poetry and fiction on to the screen), that I was about to become a Mom...my lifelong dream would finally come true after 2+ years of trying and heart-wrenching monthly disappointment in the form of nature's cruelest message - the period.

As soon as I found out, I just knew that I would do everything perfectly - the way I had always planned it in my head, since I was a little girl rocking in a miniature rocking chair with my favorite doll, Lori. I was already an expert, I thought: 2 younger sisters, a slew of younger cousins, years of babysitting/nannying experience and most recently early childhood care/teaching for infants and toddlers. I had watched all of these other parents make so many mistakes. I smugly watched, rolled my eyes and judged, stating I would never be "one of those parents" (not that I had any idea at the time what I meant by that). I assumed that I needed no preparation and that all would come naturally and I would know exactly what to do in every situation. I would not obsess, freak out or be stressed because I'd done it all before, right? Wrong.

Before becoming pregnant, I was already forming my addiction to all things "green," and the pregnancy just made that addiction worse (or better, depending on who you are and how you look at it). On top of my insatiable need to reduce, reuse and recycle anything I touched, I now had a whole new life to "green-ify."

I will take this moment to point out that there are 2 things that further influenced/inspired my obsession and those two things are 1. the documentary: "No Impact Man" (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1280011/), and 2. a book my sister introduced me to: "Better World Shopper" (http://www.betterworldshopper.org/?gclid=COmg4q-x1aUCFVB95QodBErSlg). I was hopelessly devoted after my exposure to these two things. I began researching diapering methods, baby gear, baby clothes, baby toiletries, medical intervention and everything in between.

All of this obsessing, researching and learning would always lead me to another place which I felt needed to be dug up. So, I basically spent the entire pregnancy doing just that. I can't say I'm much different now that he's here, but I can say that I recognize now that so many things are uncontrollable and unable to be planned. I know now that my baby's individual needs are what determine my decisions regarding him and all I can do is try my best to consider everything else while learning what is in his best interest. My goal is to find the balance in all things, and I'm hoping that by re-starting this blog, I will learn about myself while taking time to do something I love: writing. And if anyone else decides to read, maybe they can learn something, as well.