half time

so knox is six months old. it seems like such a big milestone to reach six months and to top that off, he learned how to clap and started eating solids. while i am super excited to see him take his first steps, say his first words and especially give his first hugs and kisses, i cannot help but sulk a bit over all the firsts that have already come and gone...first smile, first laugh, first rollover, first sitting. i am going to miss those tiny baby days...as much as i am looking forward to all of the new and wonderful ways he will surely amaze me.

Forked Up

Today's blog comes to you courtesy of my husband's latest facebook rant. Normally, I ignore them and blow them off but today's I felt deserved repeating. So here it is. (And, here is the link that inspired it: http://www.webstaurantstore.com/medium-weight-white-plastic-fork-1000-cs/130FORK.html)

So it occurs to me that plastic forks are emblematic of all that is wrong with America. You can buy 1000 forks for $10. That is insane, think about that for a second...there are at least 6-9 companies in the supply chain to make a fork. At each stage the companies are incurring cost but somehow it is still profitable to sell each for for .01 cents. Seriously??? Its mind blowing on some level.

Even selling 100 Billion forks per year it is still really impressive that their process is efficient enough to turn a profit - that 100 billion number is real by the way.

The really shit part is that all this energy - the plants to make the fork, the plants to make the plastics, the plants to make the chemicals needed to make the plastic, the fuel to take the forks to the plane, the fuel for the plane, the fuel to deliver the forks from the plane to the story, the fuel for you to drive to the store and back - All this energy is spent on a product that is trash 99% of it life.

The fork is only useful for 5 minutes of its existence but we spent countless hours on its creation and then spend hours more on its disposal. Now, that is truely whacky.....especially because we can't afford health care or school or infrastructure. I guess the problem is that the plastic fork is convenient and those arent. What if we worked on making the important stuff as efficient as forks? And for the companies making the forks - Isn't there some point where satisfying the immediate wants and desires of an adolescent society become unethical? Its really depressing on some level....

To D or Not to D

Weighing heavily on my mind since my recent physical examination and Knox's 4 month check-up, is something I'd never considered much before: Vitamin D. The nurse at Knox's check-up briefly mentioned something about asking the Dr. if he would need a supplement, but, of course, I had a list of questions stored in my head to ask the her already and adding something to that list just a few seconds before entering the exam room, it was bound to get lost in my dwindling memory during the 5 minutes of rushed conversation before the Dr. changes the subject and hurries from the room to her next patient. And it did get lost. And I thought about it as soon as I got home. There is always one thing I forget to ask about when I take him and this time that was it.

I had a physical exam for a new job just a few weeks later and found out that my D levels were very low (24.2 with a goal of 50) and that I needed a 2000 unit supplement 2x/day. Apparently this is common for nursing mothers like myself. Before allowing myself to succumb to doctor's orders, I began my usual research and read that D overdose can be toxic and just as damaging, if not worse than a deficiency. But the research regarding this topic is confusing. Most sites I read said that overdose cannot occur only from exposure to the sun but typically occurs only when people over-supplement. Recommendations from The Institute of Medicine recommends only 50-200 IUs per day, but other experts are starting to recommend up to 2,000. This article made me feel less worried about the overdose as well, stating that it would take much much more than I am taking to even come close to toxicity and, even then, no cases have been proven (http://www.vitamindcouncil.org/vitaminDToxicity.shtml). I discovered that since my levels were so low I needed the extra units in order to boost those levels back to normal and will be tested again in a couple of months to see if this has helped.

I am starting to feel like I have more focus and energy since I've started the supplements but now I'm very concerned about Knox's intake. Is he getting enough? I try to make sure he gets at least 15 minutes of sun exposure every day (since that is the safest way to absorb vitamin D), but in the winter that is getting harder and harder to do. So I called my Dr. last week...this is a tedious process, as I have to call the nurses line, ask them to have the Dr. call me and then be available every second of the rest of the day in hopes that she calls me back. Well, of course, I missed the call back - which was at 6:00 p.m., as I'm bathing the baby. The nurse had explained my concerns briefly to her and she replied on my voice mail that I could purchase baby vitamin D over the counter, naming a few brands that made it. She also said "if you have any more concerns, please call me back tomorrow." Which I did and have yet to hear back (almost a week later). I guess I'm thinking he should be tested before I possibly over supplement him. I have no idea what dosage to give him, as she didn't recommend any dosage on her message. I hate to make an appointment for something that could be answered over the phone...if I could get her to call me back!

As I reflect on this worry, one in a long row of worries over the past 5 months, I wonder if it will rapidly disappear, solve itself and be forgotten like all of the others. It's odd and hard to explain, but each time I encounter a problem (especially health related) with Knox, it becomes my whole world until it's fixed. And then, like smoke in the wind, it just disappears. And when I think about all of these concerns I had and how much of my time they consumed (reflux/GER, teething, thrush, side-sleeping, co-sleeping, sleeping in general, milk supply, croup...just to name a few) it seems crazy to me because of how insignificant it all is now. But still, until I speak with the Dr., I know this whole D factor is not going to go away...and even then I have to either trust what she says or find my own truth and figure out the best way to give Knox what he needs.

Brand New

Everything is brand new since I last wrote, so I felt my blog deserved a much-needed makeover and a bit more attention, which I am hoping I can provide. Coincidentally, just a month or so after my last posting, my husband and I unknowingly conceived baby Knox. Little did I know when I created this blog (and basically vomited up four or so years worth of mediocre to tolerable poetry and fiction on to the screen), that I was about to become a Mom...my lifelong dream would finally come true after 2+ years of trying and heart-wrenching monthly disappointment in the form of nature's cruelest message - the period.

As soon as I found out, I just knew that I would do everything perfectly - the way I had always planned it in my head, since I was a little girl rocking in a miniature rocking chair with my favorite doll, Lori. I was already an expert, I thought: 2 younger sisters, a slew of younger cousins, years of babysitting/nannying experience and most recently early childhood care/teaching for infants and toddlers. I had watched all of these other parents make so many mistakes. I smugly watched, rolled my eyes and judged, stating I would never be "one of those parents" (not that I had any idea at the time what I meant by that). I assumed that I needed no preparation and that all would come naturally and I would know exactly what to do in every situation. I would not obsess, freak out or be stressed because I'd done it all before, right? Wrong.

Before becoming pregnant, I was already forming my addiction to all things "green," and the pregnancy just made that addiction worse (or better, depending on who you are and how you look at it). On top of my insatiable need to reduce, reuse and recycle anything I touched, I now had a whole new life to "green-ify."

I will take this moment to point out that there are 2 things that further influenced/inspired my obsession and those two things are 1. the documentary: "No Impact Man" (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1280011/), and 2. a book my sister introduced me to: "Better World Shopper" (http://www.betterworldshopper.org/?gclid=COmg4q-x1aUCFVB95QodBErSlg). I was hopelessly devoted after my exposure to these two things. I began researching diapering methods, baby gear, baby clothes, baby toiletries, medical intervention and everything in between.

All of this obsessing, researching and learning would always lead me to another place which I felt needed to be dug up. So, I basically spent the entire pregnancy doing just that. I can't say I'm much different now that he's here, but I can say that I recognize now that so many things are uncontrollable and unable to be planned. I know now that my baby's individual needs are what determine my decisions regarding him and all I can do is try my best to consider everything else while learning what is in his best interest. My goal is to find the balance in all things, and I'm hoping that by re-starting this blog, I will learn about myself while taking time to do something I love: writing. And if anyone else decides to read, maybe they can learn something, as well.